Dr Hall on Call • Your Lifestyle Health Success Coach

My Partner Cheated: Won’t He Just Do This to Me Again and Again?

“He told me on New Year’s Day that he had been seeing the same woman for the past five years and just “needed to get it off his chest.” What was he thinking of? I thought I had the perfect marriage. I was well-respected in the community, worked hard in my job, loved my husband, and had assumed full responsibility of taking care of our two children for years while my husband of 17 years was on the road in sales. I never questioned him, or even doubted his honour to me or his wedding vows. I thought he really loved me and would protect our sacred wedding ground. When he confessed his cheating, I literally had the air knocked out of me. I filed for divorce immediately” ~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall.

When it comes to relationships, cheating is one of the many hindrances that tend to scare a lot of people. Many couples often treat cheating as unpardonable and although it is quite painful, they still find themselves able to forgive their partners, pick up the broken pieces and start to move on with their lives together. This may sound true to some but majority of the people who have been cheated on are constantly contemplating on whether or not their partner will do it again. They have a recurring apprehension that their partner will do it the second time around, and this fear is what stops them from growing and attaining the true potential of their relationship. Now, does this ring a bell to you? Do you often spend a lot of time dwelling in dreadful thoughts of your partner cheating on you yet again? Will he ever do it again?

Well, according to statistics, only 15-20% of cheaters do repeat their cheating acts. This means that most cheating partners are indisputably faithful individuals who just made a mistake and will often learn from this experience. The thing is, if you had chosen to forgive and accept your partner again, then you should also give yourself a chance to trust him again. The best thing that you should do is to move on and try your best to re-build your relationship together with your partner. It does not necessarily mean that you have to forget what happened; you just have to put it behind you and look forward to a better relationship. Letting a past experience preoccupy you and giving it the power to control your life will only make you a miserable person. It does not only lower your expectation but will also turn you into a discontented and paranoid person. The end result? The relationship you chose to save and work on will eventually fail and die.

The fact is that there is really no way to guarantee the saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is an undeniable truth that is applicable to all. So why torment yourself with doubts and awful thoughts? You are only hurting yourself by being stuck with it. Instead of relieving that painful past and creating undeserved resentment towards your partner, focus your time in igniting the flames of your relationship again. Create new and blissful memories again which will enable you to let go of that painful memory. This also means overcoming your fears and erasing all your bad thoughts deep inside.

For some of us, we cannot go back and take back a partner who has cheated. I know that I cannot do that. Two of my own marriages have ended in divorce, due to infidelity on my partner’s behalf. This is where I draw the line. I am a very accepting and forgiving person, as a general rule. However, cheating is the ultimate disgrace to me. Where you draw the line in the sand will be different for each person. There is no “right or wrong.”

If your partner made a promise to never to do it again, try take his word for it. You already decided to accept his apology so make your goal to work through this crisis. Sooner or later, you can expect to have a more intimate and renewed relationship. This will even improve your communication with one another. You will also figure out what was missing from the start and direct it towards where you would like to take it in the future.

Now that you had taken the harder step after deception, which is forgiveness and acceptance, concentrate in capturing happiness together by giving your partner the faith that you always wanted to give him.

So, will a cheater ever cheat again? Yes, he COULD probably do it again but there is really no reason to drive yourself crazy over it. Not until he does it again. If ever that unfortunate moment ever happens again, you might want to slow things down if ever you feel a little insecure about it. It takes time to totally heal the wounds that infidelity has caused you. So just take one step at a time and not rush things. Deal with your fears little by little until you can fully move on without being paranoid most of the time. Have patience in dealing with your emotional withdrawal and slowly learn to trust your partner yet again, if possible.

He/She Left Me and I Can’t Quit Crying: What’s Wrong With Me?

By Dr. Gayle J. Hall

“Every time I have broken up, I thought my world was ending. Except for one time, it was me who did the ‘breaking up’ and even then, it hurt. It is not pleasant to tell another person you do not want to be with them or that you have made the wrong selection for a mate. In fact, it sucks to be the bearer of bad news. But, with each and every break-up, I have learned and grown. Additionally, something or someone better – even growth in myself – was always waiting on the other side of the fence for me” ~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall.

It is never easy when a relationship comes to an end. Whether you wanted it or not, whatever the reason behind the break-up, this can turn your world upside down. Break-ups can cause you a lot of emotional pain. You can spend the whole night staying up, crying and thinking what went wrong. Sometimes, even though it has been a year or two, the pain still feels so fresh. One reason why it is so hard to move on is because of your many expectations. Remember the day you met your partner? You start to remember all the wonderful plans, the hopeful dreams you made and the promise of fulfilling all of them together in the future. All of those are annihilated by separation. All kinds of painful and unsettling feelings can be triggered by break-ups. What began as a high note of hope for the future will end up with profound grief, stress and resentment.

It is not easy to recover from a break-up. However it is important to keep reminding yourself that you can and you will move on. You just have to be patient with yourself because healing takes time. Here are four ways on how to cope with break-ups:

It is quite normal to feel a lot of different emotions in you. You will feel miserable, mad, confused, frustrated and exhausted. All of these feelings can be a bit intense. You will feel a lot anxious on what the future holds for you. Acknowledge all these emotions and be assured that as the time goes by it will eventually lessen. For a limited period of time, you will feel and perform at a less than optimal level and you must permit yourself to this. You should realize that it takes time to heal. And you have to remember that you do not have to go through all of these alone. Share what you feel to a Professional Lifestyle Coach who specializes in Relationships and also, your family and friends. Unloading yourself to someone you can trust can lessen the burden that you feel. If you isolate yourself, you will only increase the level of emotional and physical stress that you are feeling. Do not be afraid to seek help when you need to.

Separation or breakup involves multiple losses. You lose the one you share your dreams and experiences with. You lose someone who supports you, be it socially, emotionally, financially and intellectually. So allow yourself to grieve over these losses. Sometimes we try to shield ourselves from the pain that these losses can cause; it is understandable because it is scary to make yourself even more vulnerable to the pain. If you always fear the pain and treat it as unbearable, you will not be able to go through it. But you have to remember that an important part of the healing process is actually grieving. No matter how difficult and strong your grief is, it will surely not last forever.

While you are going through the grieving process, do not forget to reach out to your support system. Again, seek the help and guidance of a Lifestyle Coach and then talk with your trusted friend or family member and they can help ease the pain that you feel. Surround yourself with positive people and it will work wonders for you.

More than ever, taking care of yourself in the midst of this life-changing and emotional wringer event in your life, is the most important thing that you should always remember. You can be left psychologically and physically vulnerable by the negative strain of separation. Treat and learn to nurture yourself at all times. This is one of the valuable lessons you will learn from this painful moment of your life.

The healing process is not achieved overnight, so be honest with yourself and try not to think of whom to blame or dwell on your mistakes. Time will come when you will be able to look back into your past relationship and take it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself rather than a dreadful past that you want to escape. And when the right time comes, you will eventually learn to love again.

The Main Perks of Being Involved in a Group Coaching Program

By Dr. Gayle J. Hall

“I personally have worked with a Psychiatrist, a Psychologist doing long-term psychotherapy, and am presently paying big bucks for a Group Coaching Program in business. I am not the least bit embarrassed to admit these things, and in fact, I am quite proud of myself for publicly stating this. Let me explain why. It took me almost 40 years to get over myself. Yes, that’s what I said. I was prideful – so prideful that I could not and would not ask for help, even when I needed it. I am so glad that I got the slap in the face and wake-up call that saved my life so I could seek the help of professionals. I must say that I would not be where I am today if I had not sought the help I needed. For that reason, I am proud of me and explain to others, even the very strongest people will know when to raise their hand and say, ‘It is my time now. I am going to do this for me.’ You are worth this. Get the coaching you deserve”

~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall

Group Coaching by a professional has many perks, but for the sake of keeping this article to a fairly short reading span, I am going to list five of those benefits. These include (but are not limited to):

1) You will very quickly learn that there are many others who are facing the same or similar situations as yourself. This will help you understand that your issue is not “different” and rather, that it is a fairly common or “normal” problem that needs to be dealt with through coaching.

2) Learning is shared exponentially through the group format. As the group grows, the learning amongst the members is more freely shared. Members become teachers. We all learn from each other. Any time that learning is taking place, no matter how it is happening, it is a good – no – it is a great thing! Learning is the key element to personal and professional growth.

3) A support system is quickly developed between members in the group. This is evident in almost every group I have ever belonged to…yes, some more than others. The camaraderie may end up being one of the main reasons you want to belong to the group and stay with the group. You like your new friends so much that the coaching session is very enjoyable for you each week (as it should be).

4) There is “safety” in numbers. By this, I simply mean that you instantly feel comfort and welcomed from the very first teleseminar because you know that you are not alone. Just knowing you will not be on the call by yourself (or on the computer if you choose to dial in that way), provides you with enough security that you look forward to the sessions.

5) Group Coaching is affordable in a way totally different than private coaching can ever be. For less than $10 per week, my clients can listen in to a session every Tuesday and have an encore presentation if they miss that session. There is virtually little to no reason most people could not be members of my Group Coaching Sessions, if they want to be. The sessions are jam-packed with information in a “discussion-style-format.” Plus, here is the biggie. You, the listener, will help decide the subject and topic for coaching sessions. Each week, prior to the next teleseminar, I will ask you to submit your subject or issue you’d like to have discussed (if you have one). The bulk of emails and subject matter will help determine the topic up for discussion. Pretty cool, huh?

So, if you have ever dreamed of having your own Coach, like professional athletes, movie stars, singers, and rock idols, now is your perfect chance to have the first Session on Tuesday 14 August 2012 for absolutely FREE. Yes, it is FREE! For the next month, the membership-based program costs you only $1.00. Beginning with 18 September, the weekly Coaching Program is $39.99 per month, billed on a recurring basis. You may quit at any time, for any reason. For those who pay in advance after the first free session, there is a sizeable discount.

Now, if this rocks your planet, please “like” the FB biz/fan page of Dr. Hall on Call, like the FB Page of Exceptional Living, and then go to: www.DrHallonCallCoaching.com to get registered before it is too late. I can’t wait to see you on the call!

Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall – Documentary from Dr. Hall on Call™, Part 1 of 4

By Dr. Gayle J. Hall

Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall

Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall, Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall,

Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall

Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall Domestic Violence – Dr. Gayle J. Hall

https://drhalloncall.com/1474/

Freedom in America After 9/11-The Impact of the Tenth Anniversary on Society, Soldiers, and Survivors

“America is much more than a geographical fact. It is a political and moral fact – the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality.” – Adlai Stevenson.

Ten years have passed since the attacks against the United States of America on that dreadful day of September 11, 2001. When the first tower of the World Trade Center was hit by the jet, my son-in law called me and said, “Gayle, turn on the news, you have to see this.” I thought he was playing a practical joke on me, because he often did that. I was getting ready for work, but walked into my bedroom and did turn on my television just in time to witness another suicide jet as it was forced to crash into the second tower.

I stood there in horror. Wait a minuteâ€”wasn't this the land of the free? Aren't we supposed to be guaranteed freedom by living in America? My leading thought with the first jet was that there had been a terrible error and how could that have happened. I quickly realized after the second jet that this was no blunder on anyone's part. America was under attack!

Within minutes our airwaves were taken over. Flights were frozen in mid-air. As we all know, the third jet was hijacked and crashed into the Pentagon. Children were killed who were in the day-care facility on site. The fourth jet, United Airlines Flight 93, was overtaken by brave passengers and crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. Over 3,000 Americans were killed on this one horrific day. I cried, prayed, and begged God to help these families. I felt helpless.

What is the psychological impact for the families of those victims who perished on 9/11, ten years ago? What is the meaning of freedom to those of us who live in the United States and what does freedom really mean? Have you thought about this, since that horrendous day ten years ago, on 9/11?

A flashbulb memory, a psychological impact, has been forever planted in my mind from that day and my guess is that one has been planted in yours also. You likely remember where you were, what you were doing, and exactly what you thought when you first heard the news of the al-Qaeda terrorists attacks. This memory will not fade. It is just there and on 9/11, you will relive those memories over and over again. Please pray for the families of all of the victims of 9/11.

Do not forget about the heroes that day. When I have visited New York, I have come back home and had others ask me what I thought of NYC and each time I tell them the same thing, “I love New York.” On that day, the entire city became heroes. People who did not know each other were helping. In case you have never visited, it is difficult to drive in NYC and even difficult at times, to hail a cab. The traffic parted, so the emergency vehicles could get through. I personally have never witnessed anything like this before. As everyone was trying to run out of the buildings, firefighters and first-responders were running in to save people trapped in the towers. Did you know that 343 firefighters lost their lives that day trying to save others? There were so many heroes. The loss of lives could have been so much greater.

As a result of that day, 9/11, George Bush, Jr., sent our men and women to war. I remember, just like you do, the look on our President's face as he sat reading a storybook to children, paused for a moment to receive the news of the suicide bombing of the twin towers, and then continuing with his reading. Our soldiers were sent first to Iraq, then to Afghanistan, and now some are being brought back home.

My own son-in-law has done two tours in Iraq and is preparing to deploy to Afghanistan. Obama is stating he is pulling out the troops…yet more soldiers are still going over. I personally know of one soldier whose father died while he was serving in Afghanistan. He was given time off to get home for his father's funeral, sent back to Afghanistan to serve out his last ten days of service, and is now back with his family. The cost of war is driving me insane.

When is enough going to be enough? Freedom is not free, that is certain. I was so angry that our nation, the greatest nation on this earth, could be attacked, that I supported war, I supported us going overseas, I supported everything the government was telling us we should do. Nevertheless, what I have discovered, as I have become more educated through self-discovery and reading, is that our government does not provide us with direct information. So much is kept from us intentionally. Lack of honesty, lack of integrity, lack of commitment from elected officials, and lack of straightforward communication from the press is dead wrong and it is driving me insane.

Is this war we have been fighting really about what happened on 9/11, or did our government use that as an excuse to go to war? Is this war about oil, freedom for other countries, or what? What is this war about? My own thoughts will be kept as my own.

I am so very proud to be an American and have traveled extensively to other countries who do not live without fear of being under attack. My freedom means so much to me. Be sure to see the vlog I made regarding “Freedom” – it is now posted on my website, as well as on YouTube.

Freedom never comes without a price. Freedom is not a right, it is a privilege. I would love to know your thoughts, and especially love to hear the thoughts from our soldiers and Veterans.

God bless America.

This article is fondly dedicated to our military personnel and to all of those who gave their service, lives, and to the families affected on 9/11/2001. God bless you.

Reasons Why America’s Greed Will Constantly Lead Us to War

By [email protected]

“God bless America, land that I love. Stand beside Her, and guide Her, through the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam, God bless America, my home sweet home.” — Irving Berlin.

This is the most difficult of all articles I have written to date. Today, 22 Navy SEALS were among the 25 U.W. special operations forces and other service members shot down in their CH-47 Chinook Helicopter as it was arriving to provide reinforcement for our other troops in Kabul, Afghanistan. Apparently, the Taliban is claiming to have shot down the helicopter with a rocket-propelled grenade.

Every single day, our U.S. soldiers put their uniforms on or wake up wearing them, go out into battle, and never have the peace of mind knowing if they will return to their quarters that night. Sounds gruesome, doesn’t it? This is war and war is reality. Ask the families who did not lose their soldiers today if they know for certain they will hear from their loved one next week.I mean no disrespect to anyone. I have family members who are serving or who have served in the military. I am proud of them for doing their job, because I believe this to be honorable. I love our soldiersâ€”all of them.

This day marked the single most deadliest loss of American lives in battle in Afghanistan. When will we say, “Enough is enough? When will we, as a Country, stop being so covetous in thinking it is our job to fix the world?” I was so upset when I read about the news on CNN that I cried for an hour. I spoke with my son shortly afterward and he inquired what was wrong with me. He could hear it in my voice. I told him about the CH-47 being shot down. Although my own son or daughter was not on that helicopter, you would have to know me personally to understand my feelings. First, I was heartbroken and sad for the brave soldiers and their families. Then, I became angry. I say now, again, “Enough is enough. We are at war because of greed. In my opinion, this is why we are fighting and what America is doing–because of our own greed.”

These are three of my reasons for believing why greed leads us to war:

1). The U.S. sticks its nose in where it should not. It is actually quite simple and although I am terrible with math and algorithms, this formula is easy. If someone attacks us, we should go to war, get in there, bomb the hell out of them, and get it over with. Then we should bring our soldiers back home. Period.

2). We were attacked on 9/11/2001â€”a day most of us will never forget. Innocent lives were snatched right out from those twin towers, as others watched in horror. Flashbulb memories are implanted in some of our minds forever, as a result of this. Greed has kept us in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, not the hunt for Osama Bin Laden, if you really think about it. The U.S. is greedy, has a necessity to improve Western access to Iraqi oil, and has spent trillions of dollars on this war. Look at the financial crisis our Country is in now, all due to fighting a war filled with greed.

3). The U.S. has some belief it is our duty to save the world. Each time there is a crisis, we run to the aid of another country, whether that be with troops to fight their war-as we did 45 years ago in Vietnam, send supplies when a natural disaster hits, such as a tsunami, or the earthquake in Haiti. We sent our American troops to help there also. We have become filled with greed in thinking we can save the world. The fact of the matter, it that we cannot do that. A realist would tell you this is not possible.

I hope these three reasons listed above help you understand why I believe greed leads us to war. For those who do not know me, you may be thinking, “What a terrible person she is, to be so cold, to be so filled with hate and vile for others.” Nothing could be further from the truth. I love people. I love the people of all countries. I do not love people who are haters, bigots, stereotype others, and who are prejudice. War is about killing; however, this is for protection, not for righteousness.

In the United States, we have people who are starvingâ€”babies and children who are lucky if they get one meal a day at a shelter for the homeless. In the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, entire families are turned away if there is not enough room for them. They are forced to stay out in this 100 degree heat. Battered women and their children may have no place to stay and no food to eat. The isolated elderly in their own homes, can sometimes not pay their electricity payments, get their utilities shut off, and are victimized by their own family members who steal their social security checks from their online accounts.

As the saying goes, “Freedom is not free.” It never has been and it never will be free. Remove the “G” from the word “greed” and replace it with the letter “F”. The new word becomes, “Freed.” I just made that up as I was writing this. How about if we turn our greed into freed and make this a better society so fewer of our United States soldiers will have to die in war, as they did today? Every single day, a war is happening right here in America, the land of the free.

U.S. Navy Seals and Special Forces

Domestic Violence Victims and Soldiers – What Do They Have in Common?

“A battlefield is a battlefield. I don't care where you are fighting it. Unless you have lived through fearing for your life on a nightly basis, you cannot imagine what war is like.” – Dr. Gayle J. Hall.

A victim of domestic violence fights for her life on a daily basis, just like a soldier on the front line of combat fights for his. Now, this may be difficult for soldiers to understand and may even make some angry. They may say, “I sure did not see any women out there on the front line with me when I was at war. What the hell! How can you possibly compare the two?” Here is my reply to those remarks. You are 100% correct. A woman may not be on the front line of combat in Iraq or Afghanistan. Nevertheless, if a woman is living in a ferocious domestic violence situation in her own home, she may be facing the front line of combat nightly right in her own living room with the very same person she must sleep next to.

The following are four common denominators between victims of domestic violence and soldiers once they are out of the war zone:

1). Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We are now seeing a higher rate of PTSD with our soldiers returning from war than ever before. My belief is that the soldiers understand they can talk about what they have witnessed without the feelings of shame and guilt. On the other hand, victims of domestic violence who suffer from PTSD (and not all do — only about 20%), still have some of the symptoms of PTSD more than five years after being out of the abusive relationship. Domestic violence victims who fit this category may still suffer from flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and sleeplessness.

2). Both the victims of domestic violence and soldiers have problems with maintaining attention for any period of time. This common factor causes them to be restless. They have been trained to listen for sounds so they may take control of their situation during an attack. A battered woman must learn to flee her abuser or retaliate, while the soldier has learned to kill or be killed.

3). Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is very common for any survivor of abuse or soldier returning from war. This means the person is a “worrier” and worries about anything and everything, for no apparent reason. For the survivor of domestic violence, she has been under the rule of her mate and has not been allowed to think for herself. Regarding the soldier, he has been told 24/7 what to do and must now try to blend back into society and make decisions daily. This may seem easy to a regular person; however, for a soldier, having to make daily decisions may be overwhelming at first. Both the soldier and the battered woman may suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

4). Proximity and personal space will be common issues for both the domestic violence victim and soldier returning from war. Victims of domestic violence have sometimes been kept from their friends and family during the relationship with their abuser. They may want extreme closeness, or may be so used to abandonment, they prefer being left alone. Soldiers have, for the most part, been in groups and sub-groups. They are used to their “own kind” and this is their preference. They would choose to not venture into large crowds of unknown people and may not even be comfortable going to the grocery store.

I hope these four descriptors of similarities for domestic violence survivors and soldiers have helped you understand some of the complications from living in a battlefield. War is war and adapting afterward takes time, both for victims of domestic violence, as well as soldiers in our Armed Forces. Thank you, God, for our brave warriors!