My Partner Cheated: Won’t He Just Do This to Me Again and Again?

“He told me on New Year’s Day that he had been seeing the same woman for the past five years and just “needed to get it off his chest.”  What was he thinking of?  I thought I had the perfect marriage.  I was well-respected in the community, worked hard in my job, loved my husband, and had assumed full responsibility of taking care of our two children for years while my husband of 17 years was on the road in sales.  I never questioned him, or even doubted his honour to me or his wedding vows.  I thought he really loved me and would protect our sacred wedding ground.  When he confessed his cheating, I literally had the air knocked out of me.  I filed for divorce immediately” ~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall.

When it comes to relationships, cheating is one of the many hindrances that tend to scare a lot of people. Many couples often treat cheating as unpardonable and although it is quite painful, they still find themselves able to forgive their partners, pick up the broken pieces and start to move on with their lives together. This may sound true to some but majority of the people who have been cheated on are constantly contemplating on whether or not their partner will do it again. They have a recurring apprehension that their partner will do it the second time around, and this fear is what stops them from growing and attaining the true potential of their relationship.  Now, does this ring a bell to you? Do you often spend a lot of time dwelling in dreadful thoughts of your partner cheating on you yet again? Will he ever do it again?

Well, according to statistics, only 15-20% of cheaters do repeat their cheating acts. This means that most cheating partners are indisputably faithful individuals who just made a mistake and will often learn from this experience. The thing is, if you had chosen to forgive and accept your partner again, then you should also give yourself a chance to trust him again. The best thing that you should do is to move on and try your best to re-build your relationship together with your partner. It does not necessarily mean that you have to forget what happened; you just have to put it behind you and look forward to a better relationship. Letting a past experience preoccupy you and giving it the power to control your life will only make you a miserable person. It does not only lower your expectation but will also turn you into a discontented and paranoid person. The end result? The relationship you chose to save and work on will eventually fail and die.

The fact is that there is really no way to guarantee the saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is an undeniable truth that is applicable to all. So why torment yourself with doubts and awful thoughts? You are only hurting yourself by being stuck with it. Instead of relieving that painful past and creating undeserved resentment towards your partner, focus your time in igniting the flames of your relationship again. Create new and blissful memories again which will enable you to let go of that painful memory. This also means overcoming your fears and erasing all your bad thoughts deep inside.

For some of us, we cannot go back and take back a partner who has cheated.  I know that I cannot do that.  Two of my own marriages have ended in divorce, due to infidelity on my partner’s behalf.  This is where I draw the line.  I am a very accepting and forgiving person, as a general rule.  However, cheating is the ultimate disgrace to me.  Where you draw the line in the sand will be different for each person.  There is no “right or wrong.”

If your partner made a promise to never to do it again, try take his word for it. You already decided to accept his apology so make your goal to work through this crisis. Sooner or later, you can expect to have a more intimate and renewed relationship. This will even improve your communication with one another. You will also figure out what was missing from the start and direct it towards where you would like to take it in the future.

Now that you had taken the harder step after deception, which is forgiveness and acceptance, concentrate in capturing happiness together by giving your partner the faith that you always wanted to give him.

So, will a cheater ever cheat again? Yes, he COULD probably do it again but there is really no reason to drive yourself crazy over it. Not until he does it again. If ever that unfortunate moment ever happens again, you might want to slow things down if ever you feel a little insecure about it. It takes time to totally heal the wounds that infidelity has caused you. So just take one step at a time and not rush things. Deal with your fears little by little until you can fully move on without being paranoid most of the time. Have patience in dealing with your emotional withdrawal and slowly learn to trust your partner yet again, if possible.


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  1. I don’t know what to do….my mind can’t move on.