How to Re-Kindle the Flames With My Partner After Ten Years: Five Burning Ideas

I am not going to act like it is easy to keep a marriage or partnership together after ten years or more, because it is not.  Quite frankly, having a healthy marriage over a decade takes a lot of work.  One of my marriages lasted for 17 years.  We went out on regular dates even when we were dirt poor.  My husband (at that time) gave me many compliments and seemed to adore me. I valued him as my husband and as the father of my two children. I never took him for granted.  Marriage is not stress-free, but when it works, there is nothing better”

~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall

Marriage is a beautiful union of two people when it is full of love and fun.  One hopes this will keep you inspired throughout your life. However, marriage, when not kept refreshed regularly, runs the risk of getting rusty and dreary over the course of years.  Many times, marriage becomes “lifeless” as years go by because couples tend to focus on the stresses of daily life.  They may ignore the intimate relationship that they should be working on with their respective partners.

When you feel such a case is starting to slowly eat away at your marriage, this is the time that you should start to act on it- fast.  This is a perfect sign that you should rekindle some of the flames that may have died out after years of monotonous activities. Bring back the spark that you used to have, like when you were just starting out in the relationship, and both of you were high with passion.  This is really never too difficult to accomplish, especially if both of you are willing to work on it together.

Keep in mind that a strong marriage requires a firm foundation to lean on, plus a lot of work. With patience and effort, you can surely succeed in rekindling the flames to make your marriage more exciting. The romance and passion within a marriage do not have to decline as the years go by.  The key is to revive the romantic flames with persistence and heartfelt endeavors.

Five Burning Ideas to Re-kindle the Flames

  • Go out on a date with your partner: Date nights will both give you intimate times together. This is the time when you will think nothing except only the things about the both of you and your love for each other. This date-night should be scheduled and will not take too much of your time. Go watch your favorite movies in the theater, have dinner at your favorite restaurant, or take a walk on the beach –  whatever or wherever you may want to spend your date.  What is important is that you are both together in an environment where you are free from all the stresses of the utility bills, children, student loans or mortgages.
  • Reminisce the time of how you fell in love with each other: This will keep you reminded of the beautiful things that you have seen and are still seeing in your partner, yet you fail to compliment because of the busy day you are having. Also, this will prevent the rise of a half- hearted effort in keeping your relationship alive and healthy.
  • Take time to romance each other again:  Even if you have a busy schedule, making time for each other will focus on bringing the significance of the relationship back to the marriage.  Surprise your partner with gifts.  Even the simplest or not so expensive gift will do, almost always.  When you do this, you are demonstrating that you never forgot your partner amidst activities you have without him or her.  Leave little love notes inserted in your partner’s work notebook, on the bathroom mirror, or on the car’s dashboard.  This is a very simple way of surprising your partner that will give him or her a pleasant jolt of love.
  • Put your partner on first priority again:  This can be done by simply doing the sweet little nothings that you have done for your partner before, but have rarely done lately or seldom at all.  You have a lot of choices for this.  Maybe you can give your partner a back or foot rub after a long day, or perhaps you can do the dishes when you don’t usually help with this chore. This will show your partner how you really care and value him or her. The more you do these unexpected sweet little nothings, the more your partner will have the urge to do likewise.
  • Have a fresh approach:  This is not to change your entire personality, but to have an upgrade of the usual predictable approaches that you have been doing. This new approach will surely spice up your eagerness for each other.

Keep in mind that marriage is very precious and has to be kept vigorously flaming at all times. The number of years must never be the reason for your marriage’s downfall or for you to turn bland to each other. You should never wait until your anniversary or on special occasions to do something special and different (in a sweet manner) for your partner. When you do it for no reason at all, except to let your partner know they are appreciated and adored, you will both live joyfully.  In addition, you will also set  good examples of love that your family, friends, and children will follow in time.

Email Newsletter

Sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter
and receive a free mp3
"Happiness: Get Rid of the Fear and LIVE Happy!" PLUS Worksheet