He/She Left Me and I Can’t Quit Crying: What’s Wrong With Me?

“Every time I have broken up, I thought my world was ending.  Except for one time, it was me who did the ‘breaking up’ and even then, it hurt.  It is not pleasant to tell another person you do not want to be with them or that you have made the wrong selection for a mate.  In fact, it sucks to be the bearer of bad news.  But, with each and every break-up, I have learned and grown.  Additionally, something or someone better – even growth in myself – was always waiting on the other side of the fence for me” ~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall.

It is never easy when a relationship comes to an end. Whether you wanted it or not, whatever the reason behind the break-up, this can turn your world upside down. Break-ups can cause you a lot of emotional pain. You can spend the whole night staying up, crying and thinking what went wrong. Sometimes, even though it has been a year or two, the pain still feels so fresh. One reason why it is so hard to move on is because of your many expectations. Remember the day you met your partner?  You start to remember all the wonderful plans, the hopeful dreams you made and the promise of fulfilling all of them together in the future. All of those are annihilated by separation. All kinds of painful and unsettling feelings can be triggered by break-ups. What began as a high note of hope for the future will end up with profound grief, stress and resentment.

It is not easy to recover from a break-up. However it is important to keep reminding yourself that you can and you will move on. You just have to be patient with yourself because healing takes time. Here are four ways on how to cope with break-ups:

• It is quite normal to feel a lot of different emotions in you. You will feel miserable, mad, confused, frustrated and exhausted. All of these feelings can be a bit intense. You will feel a lot anxious on what the future holds for you. Acknowledge all these emotions and be assured that as the time goes by it will eventually lessen. For a limited period of time, you will feel and perform at a less than optimal level and you must permit yourself to this. You should realize that it takes time to heal. And you have to remember that you do not have to go through all of these alone. Share what you feel to a Professional Lifestyle Coach who specializes in Relationships and also, your family and friends. Unloading yourself to someone you can trust can lessen the burden that you feel. If you isolate yourself, you will only increase the level of emotional and physical stress that you are feeling. Do not be afraid to seek help when you need to.

• Separation or breakup involves multiple losses. You lose the one you share your dreams and experiences with. You lose someone who supports you, be it socially, emotionally, financially and intellectually. So allow yourself to grieve over these losses. Sometimes we try to shield ourselves from the pain that these losses can cause; it is understandable because it is scary to make yourself even more vulnerable to the pain. If you always fear the pain and treat it as unbearable, you will not be able to go through it. But you have to remember that an important part of the healing process is actually grieving. No matter how difficult and strong your grief is, it will surely not last forever.

• While you are going through the grieving process, do not forget to reach out to your support system. Again, seek the help and guidance of a Lifestyle Coach and then talk with your trusted friend or family member and they can help ease the pain that you feel. Surround yourself with positive people and it will work wonders for you.

• More than ever, taking care of yourself in the midst of this life-changing and emotional wringer event in your life, is the most important thing that you should always remember. You can be left psychologically and physically vulnerable by the negative strain of separation. Treat and learn to nurture yourself at all times. This is one of the valuable lessons you will learn from this painful moment of your life.

The healing process is not achieved overnight, so be honest with yourself and try not to think of whom to blame or dwell on your mistakes. Time will come when you will be able to look back into your past relationship and take it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself rather than a dreadful past that you want to escape. And when the right time comes, you will eventually learn to love again.