“Even as a little kid, I never cared much for Halloween. Sure, I dressed up in costumes and wore them to school like everyone else, went out on the 31st with my big brother and grabbed as much candy as I could in our neighborhood, and then pigged out on most of it before ever getting back home. I knew my mother would ration it out so I wouldn’t have a sugar “high” and get sick. Cowardly, I must admit that I was scared to death of most costumes and all those creepy masks. They were frightening to me and caused many nightmares. I was secretly one of the few kids who was glad Halloween only came around once every year”
~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall
We all know that both girls and guys have questions about dating in the real world and how to“hook” their dream date, right? There is always the mystery behind the façade being displayed during that first meeting or date. Is the guy or girl the real deal, or are they a creep? What if they are a ghost or goblin and nothing more than that?
Have you attended a Halloween party as an adult in full costume where your face was completely covered with your eyes showing only? If so, think back to that time and the reasoning behind the purpose of the mask and costume. You dressed up like that to keep a secret from others and to maintain anonymity. So, how did that work out for you? Furthermore, how did that work out for your date, if you were already with someone, or if you were single and trying to meet and greet, how did it go? Was the mystery enticing enough to make you seem approachable or were you spooky, ghostlike, or creepy?
I personally do not like surprises because I’ve never had a good one. Now that I have said this, you can perhaps better understand why Halloween, with costumes, masks, and spooks, scared the living daylights out of me. I like and appreciate authenticity. Games are great as ice-breakers with groups of people, but when it comes to dating, most will tell you they prefer the real deal over phonies.
Okay, so how does one go from spooking to hooking a dream date in real life? Listed below are five apple bobbing gulps to devour and think about before going out on your next date:
1) Forget the word “dream” when it comes to dating.
If you sit around wishing for a dream date and refuse to date an imperfect person, you are setting up an unrealistic expectation and moreover, you are setting yourself up for failure in the dating world.
2) Get real.
Simply stated, this means to be authentic and the first place to begin is with YOU. If you automatically say that you have always been “real” I would more than likely challenge you on that. It takes some work to get real and live authentically. I can expound more about authenticity on a later post and will definitely do so.
3) Think for a long time if you have been a “game player” with your dating habits and in your relationships.
Do you know why you are dating? No, I haven’t lost my mind…this is a serious question for you to think about. Why are you dating? Do you want to just date many people and be a “player” with all the parties involved? If so, do you tell the people you are seeing that this is your game plan, or are they all being played as fools while you use and mistreat them? Maybe you really enjoy dating several people all at the same time. Be honest with yourself and your answer, for gosh sake. Are you dating to find a compatible partner? Perhaps you are dating to discover your life mate. Be purposeful in knowing why you are dating so you will not be disappointed with your selections of partners. One of the reasons people are disillusioned later down the road is because they never really figured out why or who they wanted in the first place.
4) Be relatively happy with yourself before dating anyone or trying to develop a relationship with someone else on an intimate or personal level.
You cannot be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself first.
5) If you are dating or in a relationship, treat your partner with respect and like they are the only person in the world.
Now, I know I will receive some crap over this last bullet point, so let me clarify. Many people are so caught up with their own schedules, lifestyle, and workloads that they tend to place their partner in the big black kettle for a witches’ brew to cook on its own, instead of making that person feel like a priority. This is a huge mistake. If left in the kettle too long, your partner will eventually become resentful and begin to feel neglected. I am not saying to “babysit” your partner. I am merely stating that your date, mate, or partner should be one of your priorities in life, not left in the kettle to dry up or brew over.
Above all else, remember to treat someone the way you would like to be treated. We must drop the high expectations of a dream world and a “dream” date/mate. Once you can let go of this ghost, you will set yourself free to find the date or love you’ve only heard about from others. Hold on and get ready for the best is yet to come!